Wives, husbands, and interested folks,
In your opinion, what is the single most important weapon in God’s arsenal in bringing about radical Kingdom of God transformation in the world?
• A teacher imparting the true truth?
• An outreach to unsaved souls?
• Loud, passionate musical worship in a large group?
• Anointed Ephesians 4 leaders (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers) on retreat to pray and plan strategy?
• Your personal Bible study?
• Watching TBN? (please…)
The Key Weapon
Perhaps there’s another weapon you’ve found particularly appealing and fruitful. We hope so. As helpful as most of these might be, my personal favorite, the key weapon, is the family itself. And more specifically, the holy matrimony of the husband and wife lived out daily in full view of their children, church body, and a lost, depraved sinful world.
Marriage, as we all know, the basic building block of all human creation. And for both good and bad, it shouts to the watching world the current reality of God’s army. Is it mostly powerful in Spirit, conquering through circumstantial weakness and sacrificial service? Or is it primarily powerless in the flesh and withering through the pride of religious strength and self service?
Few of us, I’m afraid, have witnessed the supernatural, joy filled, sacrificial listening, kind-when-offended, not-returning-evil-for evil marriages of others that can help transform our own marriages into the same. What a grief to God that this is not the norm but the exception. But when we encounter one that radiates the blessed fruit of the Spirit, boy, does it stand apart, no?! May that be the earnest prayer of all married saints.
And in this sacred marriage, it’s exactly that: sacred, reflecting the holiness of God in many facets, like a wonderfully sparkling, perfectly polished diamond. The goal is not self-fulfillment, or (unfortunately, the Christian mantra of our day) “fun,” or even success in the terms of looking good to the world. But enjoying the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings.
Way back in Genesis, we are allowed a beginning insight at the mind of God as He describes the man and his current situation. Now, most of us know this, but it bears repeating I think. Our gracious loving God declares in chapter 2, verse 18 that it was “not good” for a man to be alone. How would he make it “good?” He goes on to say in that same verse that the situation is completely rectified by creating a “helper suitable for him.”
Therefore, the woman’s main primary role is not as mother, or daughter to her parents, or church servant, etc. as important as those things may be in the kingdom of God.
But her main role is to help the husband. Not only a completer, but a helper. And why once again? God says (hear that, my brethren, GOD says) that man is not in a good place if he’s by himself. Of course, there’s certain exceptions like Jesus Himself, but they’re rare.
One flesh
One flesh. Not two. One flesh. How are we performing in this most sacred role that brings glorious pleasure to our Almighty? Are we distracted with serving God in ways we personally deem more important? “Well, Jesus led me to serve in this way, you know!”
He did?
In direct contradiction to His holy word as you’re abandoning your responsibility to your spouse in favor of something more palatable to your own flesh? What a scheme of the devil.
Is the Spirit grieved? Might He be quenched, like a huge bucket of cold water on a small charcoal fire? Can He even convict you anymore? Are we considering another’s interest as (or more) important than our own?
Now, men can be a real case of selfishness and greed for their own needs and fleshly desires. Often their antics are so obvious it drowns out the similar symptoms in their wives. By comparison, the man can be the more obvious offender.
I know in my marriage I’m astounded at times of how immature I act when I think I’m offended by her. After many years of walking with the Lord, I’m still begging and beseeching the Lord to help me stand against the temptation to lord things over her (and others). I’m gaining much victory as dear saints pray for us and I strive to take every thought captive.
We all can be a very difficult people to live with at times, if not in the Spirit. We don’t mean to be at all, all least most of us. We here expect all Christians, beginning with myself, to walk worthy and holy as the Word demands. 100% now. If we’re honest with the words of Jesus, you probably agree that that record demands all talents. If 5, the 5. If 3, the 3. If 5, not 4, or 3, or 2. But all 5.
Period.
We can grow in grace and should, but most Christians think tiny baby steps for 30 years of their walk is just fine and their theology reflects this error.
God is into dramatic change: think of the women at the well (whole town evangelism), wee Zacchaeus (gives all his $ millions away on the spot), the apostle Peter, Paul the radical ex-terrorist. And dozens and dozens of other stories and peoples. That’s His “normal.” It made the final pages of His written record.
So, when I see that ‘abnormal baby-steps only’ played out, it’s continually frustrating. And I’ve lamented way too much, and at times as an opposite reaction expect too much. I can be too hard, at times, on the people around me. As in all of us, any fleshly weaknesses if exhibited are usually our strengths out of control.
Putty in her hands
A man is like putty in the hands of a woman he can trust completely.
So says Debi Pearl, author of Created To Be His Help Meet, and wise counselor to many troubled women in difficult marriages.
Married women can discover the 400% influence principle: men need their woman to admire, honor, and tell them they count, and when they do, the woman will get a 400% return. And that includes frequent, proactive, engaging holy sex…the #1 way a husband knows he’s loved by his wife…his dearest friend.
Wives, almost every man has something to respect. Look for it, ask your friends to help you find it, pray to the Holy Spirit for this wisdom. He certainly wants you to find it, declare it, and live it. He too wants peace, probably more than you do!
If you want your marriage to improve 200%, do your 50% worth. That’s the 400% influence.
The #1 thing your husband desires to connect with you, his wife
How is the marriage bed?
Is it cool, even cold?
Is he being punished there for his lack of love? Or is it warm, inviting, a rare retreat from his stresses, an exciting place to find his woman wanting him in this most precious way to him? This too is respect to your man.
Hands down it’s the #1 way, the most important measure, of respecting him.
There’s something in men that rises up and resists the religiously dominant and contentious woman. When my wife would treat me disrespectfully, it was a real struggle, almost impossible, for me to love her like she wanted to be loved. Well, she mused, he needs to go first.
No.
That’s not the way it works best. You go first, dear sister, and watch your own Red Sea part in two!
Apostles address the wives first
Paul and Peter always seemed to address the wives first, then the husbands. Did he know something we should know?
I can’t say this too strongly: almost any continuing friction and contention in a marriage is due to the wives disrespect of her husband.
Don’t fuss with me now! Take that energy in trying to disagree with me here and seek God. And become another woman who revolutionizes her marriage by doing this very thing. Do what He commands. Without holiness, no one will see the Lord. None of us.
The wives holy work is this first and foremost: respect your husband.In the three most vital ways he deems important: 3. good cooking, 2. verbal encouragement for the dozens of things he does for you and the family, and #1. lots and lots of physical intimacy with a welcoming, adventuresome heart!
You take the initiative. Play through any pain. Keep your man smiling and “drained!” You will change the world…your world and his world!
Concentrate on this. Be accountable to other Christian woman who can help you, even if by long distance phone if that’s your only option.
Jezebel spirit?
Stay clear of falsely religious, contentious women. They have a Jezebel spirit. If you see yourself here, flea dear one…
You can do it, dear one. Nothing is impossible to God. Nothing is impossible to God. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible to God.
Here are some resources for the journey.
The first is a personal favorite by Debi Pearl, written along with her husband, Michael, who is a fascinating Bible teacher. Certainly I don’t agree with everything they teach, but the stories, testimonies, and core message of this book are classic. There’s none better I have found thus far.
Be careful in these areas when you read this work:
- They’re KJV only folks, or “the real word of God.”
- They say another man should never teach a woman but only her husband, yet Michael teaches in areas throughout the book.
- There’s a time of two where Debi advises the wife to lie about how ‘wonderful’ her husband is when he’s being a jerk. But there’s almost always several areas you can praise your man. Asjk God and He will answer every time.
- They teach a woman should stay in a very abusive marriage with only rare exceptions, but we believe husbands need much more calling to account and respectful truth telling by the wife and her church body for his sinful behavior, especially in serious cases.
- They seem to teach patriarchal hierarchy of the man at all costs, in contrast to a complete focus that the wife too is a holy and precious joint heir.
Debi’s comment:
“… I had no idea God had so much to say to us ladies until I began going through God’s Word verse by verse, writing the different sections of Created to be His Help Meet. Many times as I read a passage, I would say to my husband, “I’m not going to include those verses in my book because if I do the ladies (of any religious group you can think of including my own) will not like my book or promote it.” My dear husband would say to me, “If God thought it was important enough to inspire it as part of his Word to us, then you should include it.” And so I would cringe and add one more controversial subject after another…”
This next work below is excellent, but from a totally different perspective. His conclusion is the same as Debi Pearl, the enormous influence of the wife with her man to transform the marriage, much more so that the husband with the wife.
Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands
by Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage, another wonderful book:
Well, what are you waiting for?! Feel free to write us. Or if you desire us to join you for edification and joint teaching on the sacred marriage in your locale.
Please write and tell us what God is doing with you all!
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Respectful wives honor God by providing the top three things their husband’s need. See it here.
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Respectful wives honor God by submitting in all things legal, moral, and non-abusive. See it here.
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Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Your friend and brother in fighting the good fight,
Marc
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Saints, we’re one day closer to Home, and Him! Love Him wholeheartedly!
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You may view our Archives here: MONDAY MANNA – ARCHIVES; Complete Archives; feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion. May our Father richly bless you with His grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord, in order to walk worthy of His name.
Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Marc White, Director, Walk Worthy Ministries, www.WalkWorthy.org
