Beloved,
Are God’s marriage vows in the New Covenant record anywhere to be found? Are there any marriage ceremonies there, too, with examples? And is there any indication of how a spouse can leave or divorce a physically violent mate?
No, no, and no.
But why not? Doesn’t the Bible have everything pertaining to life and godliness?
Well, if you have followed western Bible teaching exclusively, you’re in for a big surprise. And a huge deficit in understanding the heart of God.
For the Word of God in the written form is an ancient Mideast document and thousands of years old. It is high context too meaning God used the absolute minimum to communicate to the people of that day, and not in our current time.
So, if you rely mainly on the previously mentioned modern and low context ‘we-tell-you everything’ western information, most likely you’ll be seduced in part by the multitude of false teaching that has invaded the globe in these last days.
We must turn to the Old Testament for our marriage vows. They reside there, and only there. All Scripture, all of it, is inspired. At Paul’s time when he penned those words that Scripture he mentioned was the Old Covenant. As we know, there’s over 300 direct quotes in the New Testament from the Old Testament. We must not jettison this.
Some think all the Old Testament applies, while some think none applies. There is a third alternative that we think is correct and illustrated the heart and mind of God. We here at Walk Worthy subscribe to the fact that if the New Covenant does not negate, modify, or amplify the Old Testament, it is still in effect as originally written.
In the case of marriage vows, they are missing in the New Testament. Therefore, we look to the earlier record of the Older Testament. And there we find what we need!
Our Lord writes many of His commands, and His laws, for the lowest creature and social status. So, then we know that this guidance applies to all other greater situations. In the case of oxen, we see God making provision for the lowest by commanding us we must “not muzzle the ox while he is threshing.”
Paul uses this to illustrate we need to financially support those who work hard at preaching and teaching, etc. for God is “not concerned about oxen, is he?” No, sir, not like He is with His human creatures.
The Old Testament Marriage Vows Are For Today
In the Old Testament, God commands a free man taking a second wife who is also a slave, a very low social status person, that he must provide her sufficient food, clothing, and sex. Like what? Like his first and primary wife!
And if he fails to do so consistently, that slave wife may leave without any financial obligation on her part due to his neglect which amounts to abuse of that wife made in the image of God.
In this passage we see this stated in no uncertain terms.
Exodus 21:10-11 “If he takes to himself another woman, he may not reduce her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights. If he will not do these three things for her, then she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money…”
In ancient marriage contracts, as in more modern ones, we can see that these three minimums of food, clothing, and sex are to be observed for the vows to remain intact. In modern times, we may even hear folks say, “love, honor, and obey,” or “love and cherish,” etc. To love like God Himself is to protect and provide.
This is part and parcel of good Biblical interpretation, or hermeneutics. The first part is the exegesis, or the ‘then and there.’ Only then can we understand what the Lord God was conveying to His original audience. Second, we turn to hermeneutics which is the ‘here and now.’ Does the passage and doctrine in view have modern application? Is it to be modified? Or is it negated for these times?
Make sure you closely muse on the ways of using proper interpretation, or Biblical hermeneutics here.
All covenants are contracts. All covenants, save that with Abraham that God made with Himself, can be broken. Never by God, but often by human beings made in His image. God divorced Israel for her repeated marital unfaithfulness. God is a divorced Person.
Jeremiah 3:7-8 “I thought, ‘After she has done all these things she will return to Me’; but she did not return, and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also…”
There are some who insist that God is still the rightful ‘husband’ of Israel since the 14th verse of Jeremiah 3 uses the same Hebrew word as husband, or baal. But a careful and honest look renders the NASB the best translation as ‘master,’ not ‘husband.’ God did save a small remnant for Himself back then but they are also part of the new bride which certainly includes His beloved Gentile believers in the Old Testament.
In Hosea 2, God declares that Israel too is not His “wife” any longer. He did not give her a writ of divorce as He did Judah, but the marriage is broken.
Hosea 2:2 “Contend with your mother, contend, For she is not my wife, and I am not her husband; And let her put away her harlotry from her face And her adultery from between her breasts…”
Of course, now He is betrothed to the New Testament bride, His body. But in order to endure to the end, be approved, and not erased from the Book of Life, we must obey His commandments consistently, which are not burdensome. We are saints, never sinners.
Broken Marriage Vows
Most modern Christians will agree as a minimum that Jesus Christ allowed divorce for repeated sexual sin. Some will also agree that Paul allowed divorce too for desertion in 1 Corinthians 7.
But, again, if the NT doesn’t speak to marriage vows, then the OT is the key to the minimums in the vows in the sight of the Almighty who created marriage for His pleasure and His kingdom. So then, if those minimums are not being met, the spouse who is the victim is free to leave, and divorce the other party.
These marriage minimums (food, clothing, and sex) if not provided by each spouse for the other party on a consistent and loving basis, then the vows are broken in the sight of God. Maybe not in the eyes of the civil authorities, but certainly in God’s.
Anything in the marriage that consistently is withheld (like emotional support) or thrust upon the spouse (emotional and verbal abuse and/or neglect) above the minimums also negates the vows, i.e. breaks them. This includes consistent disrespect and dishonor, especially towards the husband.
Also, let’s say a perpetrator in the marriage repeatedly pulls a gun and shoots at the spouse. So far, the victim has not been killed. But wouldn’t any sane person, Christian or not, watching this dastardly spectacle insist the victim separate and eventually divorce this perpetrator?
Of course…
But ironically, and foolishly, some churches refuse to acknowledge the obvious and tell the victimized spouse to return to the abusive perpetrator. The spouse then is killed…or maimed for life.
Jesus Taught Only On No-Fault Divorce in the New Testament
“But,” the legalist protests, “they can’t separate or divorce since Jesus didn’t say that in the New Testament!” The Word also doesn’t say directly that we should not get high on marijuana.
Do you now see the dilemma, the conundrum, in this silly, and dangerous, position?
Jesus never intended to give a teaching, a whole doctrine, on marriage and divorce. Remember the Bible is high context and only the very minimums are given, and only in the OT at that for marriage and divorce.
Jesus was only answering a direct question from the religious leaders of the day. Their question centered around their specific brand of no-fault divorce they had concocted to satisfy their lecherous appetites to put away their wives for any infraction. They labeled it “for any cause.” He said a resounding ‘no’ to this insult of God’s laws, and set them straight about the sanctity of marriage.
David Instone-Brewer has performed a minor miracle in publishing the best works on the planet regarding divorce and remarriage. He also states that emotional abuse, physical attacks or neglect, including sexual starvation, or anything perpetrated on the other spouse are all grounds for divorce if the offended is not repentant and actually changes their ways for good.
Brother David has written, “The Biblical grounds for divorce are sexual faithfulness, material support (food & clothing) and emotional support (love). These are the minimum grounds – anything worse is certainly a ground for divorce, and attempted murder is certainly a failure to support.”
Remarriage under many circumstances, but not all, is a natural thing in the economy of God. You must try to reconcile if the reason for your separation or divorce is unbiblical. In our example above, the slave wife victim can “go out” just like when God gave unfaithful Israel a ‘certificate of divorce.’ But in Israel’s case, there is no remarriage since there is only one God! God is now remarried to the Israel of God so proclaims the NT.
God’s Marital Mercy For Our Times
And therein lies God’s clue to remarriage with the certificate of divorce allowing the remarriage.
Several years ago, a close brother came after me to rail about this teaching claiming the early church fathers proclaimed ‘no remarriage.’ Well, these gents were also wrong on many other vital doctrines.
I admonished him to put those incorrect ancient writings away and ask God to show him why God created the certificate of divorce in the first place and its use in the kingdom.
Well, I’m still waiting for his response years and years later. And he keeps teaching that victims cannot divorce except for adultery and never, ever remarry. I warned him about the bondage he was placing on his audience, and the victims. It fell on deaf ears.
Eventually, I was forced to obey the Lord and not cast my pearls before swine. And I tearfully had to turn him over to Satan after a first and second warning about his stonewalling.
Our brother the apostle Paul stated we should marry and not burn with sexual desire, and women should get married, have children and keep house. If we wrongfully refuse those victims the relief that God does, what will God do with us in return when we cause others in these situations to stumble?
God is exceedingly merciful. He knows that life is difficult, to say the least. Marriage is a gift from His heart, and one in which we learn of Him too. But when humans ignore His ways and abuse the other in this sacred and holy institution, He has made allowances for the victim.
And so should we when the situation demands we do so! May all of us who are married provide food, clothing, and sex to our spouse in a gracious and loving way. And these are the bare minimums that our Lord and Savior expects.
And commands. Let us please Him in all respects!
Colossians 1:9-12 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.
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View marriage, divorce, and remarriage resources here.
Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Your friend and brother in fighting the good fight,
Marc
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Saints, we’re one day closer to Home, and Him! Love Him wholeheartedly!
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You may view our Archives here: RIGHTLY DIVIDING THE WORD – ARCHIVES; Complete Archives. May our Father richly bless you with His grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord, in order to walk worthy of His name.
Please comment on this post right below. Feel free to write and proclaim your leadings in the Spirit in an honorable fashion.
Marc White, Director, Walk Worthy Ministries, www.WalkWorthy.org
